Maybe in i'm still just in this place of limbo. trying to figure out what the hell i want to do with my life, while milling around that the same job i've had for 3 and a half years. it's exhausting, and it's disheartening, and its incredibly difficult to remain happy and positive when i am constantly feeling like a failure at growing up. Maybe that is the key, not wanting to feel like i've failed myself, and the people I love. I spent over 5 years completing college and working and if i were to complete a resume right now, i'd have all of about 3 things on it. not very helpful when looking to find something you want to make your career. careers are another story and idea all on their own, but for now, i'll just stick with growing up.
It's something i've avoided for years. years and years and years. i'm trying to be strong, and not a giant baby, but it seems the most compelling option is to always call my mama and ask her for help. i'll go ahead and blame her a little in that she always helps me and will bail me out of tough situations. she is the best though and understands my crazy fear. either that or she is just a crazy enabler. I'm going to say it's the fact she loves me and understands me.
Either way, the peter pan mentality is alive and well in my world and i'm just waiting for the day when i wake up and feel like i've done something with my life, something that i feel like i should be doing. It's a weird thing to try and describe, but i have this feeling that one day i will be so content with what is happening in my life, even if it for only 3 seconds. I've had the feeling before, I just haven't felt it in awhile, and i miss it.
