Adult? I hope not.

When did growing up become such a chore? I'm sitting here, in my own apartment, which i pay for, with my own cats, which i care for. watching the cable i pay for and using the power that is a huge rip off. I have a job which pays for all of these things, I am responsible, for the most part with my money and i'm continuing to feel this need to grow up and feel more adult.
 Maybe in i'm still just in this place of limbo. trying to figure out what the hell i want to do with my life, while milling around that the same job i've had for 3 and a half years. it's exhausting, and it's disheartening, and its incredibly difficult to remain happy and positive when i am constantly feeling like a failure at growing up. Maybe that is the key, not wanting to feel like i've failed myself, and the people I love. I spent over 5 years completing college and working and if i were to complete a resume right now, i'd have all of about 3 things on it. not very helpful when looking to find something you want to make your career. careers are another story and idea all on their own, but for now, i'll just stick with growing up.
It's something i've avoided for years. years and years and years. i'm trying to be strong, and not a giant baby, but it seems the most compelling option is to always call my mama and ask her for help. i'll go ahead and blame her a little in that she always helps me and will bail me out of tough situations. she is the best though and understands my crazy fear. either that or she is just a crazy enabler. I'm going to say it's the fact she loves me and understands me.
Either way, the peter pan mentality is alive and well in my world and i'm just waiting for the day when i wake up and feel like i've done something with my life, something that i feel like i should be doing. It's a weird thing to try and describe, but i have this feeling that one day i will be so content with what is happening in my life, even if it for only 3 seconds. I've had the feeling before, I just haven't felt it in awhile, and i miss it.

source

Currently

picture from here

I really enjoy reading 'Currently' posts when they pop up in my reader feed. It's personal and just the right amount of real life. The first time I saw it was on one of the first blogs I ever started to read, Sometimes Sweet. I'll do a post with my favorite blogs some other time, but it's always been on my list of favorites. So let me give this a try.

Currently...

watching: Breaking Bad. It is so incredibly addicting. I started re-watching from the beginning once the new and final (sad) season started. Looking back on what has happened to get to this point is making me rethink my loyalties to certain characters. Next on my list is Black is the New Orange, which is everywhere and apparently perfection.

reading: absolutely nothing. I've been neglecting the kindle and need to fill her up again with good books. I'm an all or nothing reader, so i have to be in the right mood to start a book, cause I will most likely finish it.

loving: the first signs of fall. I hate that summer is coming to an end, but I'm beyond excited to be comfortable again. it has been a very sweaty summer and i will be very glad when it is no longer a sauna in my apartment.

anticipating: football season. that sounds really weird coming from me, but I'm excited to be excited about a sport. the seahawks are suppose to be really good this year and i'm ready to follow along with what is happening. plus relaxing and enjoying other peoples company on a sunday afternoon sounds wonderful. if only my boss allows that to happen...

I think that is all i have for now. not very interesting, but I don't have much else going on. i have a lot of ideas for things i want to do here, and for the most part they are just prompts, things to write about, and not necessary for anyone, just for myself.

I'm Back.

Let us try this again. School is over, work is work and I need something to do with my time. I read more blogs than I care to admit and i'm ready to try and make this happen. not in the 'make me a popular blogger' sense but in a 'get your thoughts down and if people read them great' sense. So to start, i'm going to do a 25 things about me post. not very original, but it's fun.

1. I can't spell. at all. through out school, i would almost always get points taken off for spelling. even with spell check. i'm so bad it doesn't even fix it. i will also avoid using certain words i don't know how to spell.
2. I have 2 amazing cats. Baby Tomato, who came with that name and is adorable, and Maynard, who was named after Maynard James Keenen from Tool.
3. I love baseball. I have a kindergarden project at my parents where it asks what you want to be when you grow up and i said baseball player. Go Mariners.
4. I can complain with the best of them. It's not a trait I am necessarily proud of. That said, it takes a lot for me to get really upset.
5. I'm over 3/4 Irish. I would looove to visit one day.
6. Genealogy fascinates me. One day when I have the money to spend on it, i would love to do a comprehensive family genealogy study thing.
7. When I like a book, I will do almost anything to read it cover to cover in one sitting.
8. My favorite color is red, my favorite song is such great heights by the postal service and my favorite tv show is friends.
9. i've had the same best friends since kindergarden. we've grown apart some in the last few years, but whenever we are together it is like nothing has changed.
10. I'm really sensitive to sounds. I can hear a dripping faucet in the next room and it will feel like it's right next to my head. Jazz music drives me crazy.
11. I have been going noticeably grey since i was 17. Now, at 24 i'd say i'm probably 90% grey. it's hereditary.
12. I have one tattoo on my foot. I got it my freshman year of college and I will never ever regret it. it represents me and my mom.
13. My mom is my hero. she is an incredible human and if i can become half the woman she is i will be a lucky girl.
14. October is my favorite month. It's my birthday month, Halloween and my favorite weather.
15. I work at Starbucks and I don't like coffee. a pumpkin spice latte can change my mind though. but that is about it.
16. I drink more Diet Coke than is probably healthy. not that it is healthy to begin with, but i probably drink more than I should. I went about 6 weeks without it a few months ago and it wasn't fun.
17. i'm a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl. even better is yoga pants and a sweatshirt but that just makes me sound extra lazy.
18. I watch way to many terrible reality shows. cooking shows, celebrity shows, fashion shows,  you name it. I really don't know what people watched before reality tv.
19. In that same realm, I follow a lot of celebrities on Instagram. an embarrassing amount of people.
20. Seattle has my heart. living away from it for a few years makes me miss it, but i'm happy to be having the expriences i'm having while i'm away. it makes going back that much sweeter.
21. My worst habit; i pick my nose. i have since i was a little kid. i have NEVER eaten it though.
22. I nap more than a lot of toddlers probably do. with my work schedule being all over the place, and my love for sleeping in, going to bed at a timely manner is hard. and by nap, i'm talking 2-3 hours.
23. I don't like odd numbers. they make me uncomfortable. they look weird and are just not ok with me.
24. Aveeno is the only brand of lotion I have ever consistently bought. I used to buy random lotions and maybe i just needed to find one i liked, but it has been a solid 3 years now where it's been the only lotion i've bought.
25. i have had the same pair of reef flip flops for almost 4 years. they are so worn down and thin i can pretty much feel every rock and stick or bump i step on. they have molded to my feet and i will be very sad when i can't wear them anymore.

YAHOO!! it took a lot for me to not just write a bunch of things that bother me. i want a place to write my thoughts, know what i was thinking or feeling at certain times of my life, so hopefully i can make this a real thing. we shall see.

I leave you with my wonderful pirate of a kitty, Maynard in all his snarly glory. 

Maddie <3 nbsp="" p="">